


i used to run at first sight of the sun

by radstarmuffin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aromantic Asexual Kageyama Tobio, Asexual Kageyama Tobio, Canon Compliant, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, M/M, OH right there is also light swearing??, but just to put it out there yes there is some Language, but most of this is just introspective fluff tbh, but yeah hi hello aroace author here, hinata and kageyama arrive in sendai the night before, i dont know how professional sports work ok sorry, i make the rules and theyre happy and theyre in no rush, i project these things onto kageyama HARD and i refuse to change, it didnt feel like enough to justify a teen rating, it is BASICALLY, it would be right before ch 378, ohohohoho? those are tags already in use? excellent, there is dialogue and stuff in there i promise, there is. cuddling, they are in love, theyre basically together but also not but also it doesnt matter, this takes place the night before the game so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:33:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radstarmuffin/pseuds/radstarmuffin
Summary: now I lay here waiting for you to wake upKageyama falls asleep the night before the Schweiden Adlers and the MSBY Black Jackals’ game to the sound of Hinata breathing, to the feeling of his warmth, and with the promise of all that’s yet to come.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 10
Kudos: 89





	i used to run at first sight of the sun

**Author's Note:**

> My dumb ass, waking up suddenly at 2 am: thinks about soft moments between loud idiots
> 
> Me:
> 
> My WIPs:
> 
> My dumb ass, still awake: oh lmao hey look guys the sun is rising
> 
> listen, i love love love all the fics that capture these twos’ chaotic dumbass energy. i _adore_ them. i did not write one here. i love all the stories of them getting together in high school or in AUs or whatever, of them being oblivious and struggling to figure out where they stand, and i’ve read plenty of them, believe me. but i also think there’s something really beautiful and comforting in a love that doesn't need to rush, and in my head it’s a dynamic that works for them, too.
> 
> ....and it’s my fic, so i get to decide the aroace vibes i’m projecting
> 
> title from fun.’s “Sight of the Sun”, which is the real culprit for getting stuck in my head and causing me to spiral into writing this whole thing. that first verse tho? _perfect_ for kageyama. i did edit this, but i was also filling in some gaps so there might still be some errors

As seems to be the case with these things, the parallels of the situation are making Kageyama reminisce. 

But while he is reminiscing about something that happened in middle school, for once it isn’t about the first thing that immediately comes to his mind when he thinks of his time in Kitagawa Daiichi’s volleyball club.

Suga-san had called him yesterday, to make absolutely sure that Kageyama knew he had to come to the reunion dinner after the game, even though Kageyama had already seen the texts in the group chat and had been planning on going anyway. When he’d been ending the call, Suga-san had told Kageyama that he was going to cheer for both of them and that he refused to pick sides (Kageyama hadn’t expected any of them to). 

Then he’d said, “It’s really come full circle, huh? I’m going to have a perfect record attending your games against Hinata! I can’t believe how lucky it was that Daichi, Tanaka, and I ended up seeing the first one.”

It’s been hours since they talked. Plenty has happened since then, too.

Kageyama should be getting to sleep, but he lies awake. Just… thinking.

To be honest, Kageyama doesn’t really remember his first game against Hinata. Not the way Hinata does, at least. Probably not the way their senpai do, either.

What Kageyama remembers is his teammates joking around when they’d received the tournament brackets, cheering their luck at being matched up against a nowhere school. He remembers himself barking orders at them, but he’d done that the whole tournament, and he’s not sure what he said in that game versus what he said in the next one versus what he only thought to himself.

He doesn’t remember Hinata’s team. He’s since met Hinata’s friends Izumi and Kōji, so he knows who they are now and that they were there at the time, but in his memory of the event he can’t really envision any of Yukigaoka’s players’ faces. 

Besides Hinata’s.

Kageyama doesn’t remember any of the plays any of Hinata’s teammates had made -- or had _tried_ to make. He still has his old volleyball journals tucked away somewhere, so it’s possible it’s written down, but even if it was Kageyama wouldn’t really care. The only play Kageyama remembers from that game is the one that is burned into his memory forever, the one that made him believe Hinata might be capable of doing a quick with him. The play that eventually triggered a chain reaction that led to the beginning of something that had changed both of their volleyball careers forever, probably.

This time, however, Kageyama knows exactly how Hinata has spent his last three years. Not that they've spoken much or even exchanged very many messages over that time. Well, maybe not exactly three this time around. During the two years since they graduated and Hinata moved to Brazil and during the half a year he’s been back. 

Maybe he should feel something about that half a year, maybe someone more normal than Kageyama would be bothered that they’ve been so close in distance yet haven’t really been able to meet up properly. 

Maybe he should, but he doesn’t. They’ve both been busy, and it’s not like they’ve cut off all contact or anything.

And Kageyama knew they’d meet again, eventually. The same way he thinks, deep down, he might have known when they’d met that very first time, when he’d criticized Hinata right out the gate for what he’d seen as a waste of potential. 

The difference now is that Kageyama knows Hinata, maybe better than he's ever known anyone, time away be damned. Hinata has been training, just as hard as Kageyama himself has, albeit in his own very Hinata-way, and Kageyama would have to be the biggest dumbass who ever lived if even he couldn't recognize that much. 

By their own hard work and effort, they’re on a collision course for each other; they always have been. Not by the whims of fate or some uncertain force outside their control, but through their own power.

And Kageyama doesn’t know anyone who tries harder than Hinata. It could be his inattention to most of the people around him, but Kageyama doesn’t think it is. Hinata is constantly pushing himself to be better. That’s something he and Kageyama have in common. The difference is that Hinata brings everyone around him for the ride while he’s at it, without even trying. And that all those people enjoy themselves, basking in his relentless energy, rather than being fried by the force of it, as has been the case with Kageyama in the past.

Though, as Hinata himself has changed over the many years Kageyama has known him, so too has Kageyama changed. Dramatically so, in some ways. 

So, no, they’re not really back to where they’d first been. He's not the brazen, haughty middle schooler he'd been in their first meeting. And Hinata isn't the untamed mass of athletic potential he was, he's a highly skilled player and an opponent not to be taken lightly.

Hinata mumbles something unintelligible in his sleep, shifting the fistful of Kageyama's sleep shirt he's still clinging to like his life depends on it. He’s wedged up against Kageyama’s side, where he’s been all night, and Kageyama is surprised at how comfortable he is. 

He’d always thought it sounded like torture to have to share your bed with another body, all the extra bones and hair and sounds and space they take up. He’d wondered why people would actively search that out. As with most things, Hinata’s complete disregard for Kageyama’s expectations had proven that there was another way to look at things. That said, it’s been literal years since they’ve done anything like this, and Kageyama is surprised by the reminder of what it’s like. As with most things, the active action is better than the passive theory.

Hinata isn't someone to be taken lightly, but Kageyama feels compelled to let this moment stretch out as his own private bubble of peace. And, what are bubbles if not light? 

Kageyama really needs to get some rest so he can kick Hinata's ass properly tomorrow. (Today? In somewhere around twelve hours from now.) 

Not even just Hinata, but the rest of the Jackals as well. He never did get to play Bokuto-san or Sakusa-san in an official game in high school, and he's been dying to play Miya Atsumu again ever since they'd played that first match against him all those years ago. There's no greater joy than beating an incredibly skilled setter. 

And, if Kageyama wants to do that, he really should be resting properly on the night before the game, and he knows it.

What he does, instead of that, is puff out a breath over the crown of Hinata's head, enough that the soft curls there rustle in it. Hinata has always made it hard for Kageyama to settle down, as though his very presence invokes the kind of boundless energy he himself approaches life with. Kageyama used to _itch_ around him, as though inactivity were suffocating, like one of those sharks Tsukishima likes so much that can't stop moving, or they die.

How strange. Another thing that's changed, then. 

Coach Ukai (the younger) and Takeda-sensei used to make speeches about the Karasuno team making use of being the "omnivorous crows" they were, and as much as Tsukishima used to laugh at the faces Kageyama and Hinata would pull, trying to puzzle out what the heck that could mean, Kageyama thinks maybe he gets it, now. 

Well, that's not quite fair. 

What made him start to get it was what Coach Nekomata had said, right before he'd retired again (for good), after the last practice match Karasuno had gotten to play against Nekoma with a Nekomata and an Ukai leading the charge. It had been a good game, and the last time he or Hinata had gotten to play against Kozume Kenma (or would ever get, if Kozume-san had anything to say about it. The jury was still out, now that Hinata was back, on whether any weird practice match miracles were in their futures, but Kageyama thinks he won't hold his breath, for this one at least. And, besides, the last Kageyama's heard is that Kozume-san has been doing very well for himself, with things not at all related to volleyball, so Kageyama isn't sure if it would even be worth the trouble of getting him to play at all, at this point).

But, cats aside. Omnivores.

Towards the end of their second year, a grinning Coach Nekomata had told them all to "stay the hungry crows he knew them to be," and he was "sure they'd be just fine." 

Kageyama had wondered at the time whether the coaches had some sort of pact going, to make sure all the teams remembered to have school spirit or something with their respective mascots. And that if Coach Ukai, Takeda-sensei, and Coach Nekomata were saying the same thing, maybe they were right. And if they were right, maybe they'd all meant the same thing, really, and truth be told Kageyama understood being "hungry" more than he understood being "omnivorous." 

(At least, in the figurative sense. He did manage to pass all his high school classes, thank you very much. Yachi didn't single-handedly carry him through biology for him to forget _completely_ about omnivores as a biological concept.)

Kageyama could understand hunger, though. He was always hungry, though perhaps not as much as Hinata or Noya-san were. Although, this wasn't really about literal hunger; even Kageyama could pick up on that much. (After having the idea laid out before him as plainly as possible.) 

This was about the hunger to improve, the hunger to play _more_ , and to play _better_. The same hunger that had kept Karasuno trying new things well into Kageyama's last year -- well into their last tournament, their last game, if he's being honest. Even slight changes could be a means to pull forward. 

That was the privilege of playing strong opponents: Kageyama got the chance to adapt to play to their level and in doing so improve his own skills. That much, at least, Kageyama understands. There are benefits, of course, to sticking with a tried-and-true method, so long as it works, and even now Kageyama can feel himself settling into more of a rhythm than he'd ever managed back in high school, even in his third year, when he'd done his very best to ignore the rhythm and the familiarity he'd built up. When he'd done all he could to break even that apart and build something new in the final hour, so that it would be easier to imagine it didn't feel like the ground was going to open up under his feet when it was over. 

(There had been days when he'd get so caught up in his thoughts about it that he'd freeze up. Not on the court, when he had better things to focus on, and not often at practice, but the moments inbetween became Kageyama's own kind of personal torture. He had never played on a team that trusted him as much as Karasuno had, or that he'd known as well. 

As much as he'd told Hinata he was moving ahead without him, a part of Kageyama had gotten a sickening taste of something he hadn't felt since before Hinata had so bluntly asked him what was wrong with being a "king" after Miya Atsumu had shaken him so badly, back in their first year. Namely, fear. Even more specifically, it was the same fear that’s haunted him since his third year of middle school. Of course, as he had then, and as he's done consistently any time Kageyama has shown even the tiniest bit of weakness ever since they'd met, Hinata had quickly beaten that feeling away, without even trying. Honestly, he probably hadn't noticed that he'd done it at all.) 

Even so, even now, there are still days when his fingers twitch with the want, the _need_ , to be doing more.

But right now...

"You're thinking too loud," Hinata mumbles into Kageyama's chest, voice grainy with sleep.

Kageyama almost wants to chalk it up to sleeptalking. It’s not uncommon, with Hinata. Except, when he doesn't respond immediately, Hinata tips his chin up off of Kageyama's chest to quietly hiss, "Shhhh!" like they're on a field trip to a library or something.

"Dumbass," Kageyama shoots back, tone hushed. He's not 100% sure until he opens it that his mouth had been closed before, that Hinata’s wrong and he hadn’t been talking out loud, but once he knows for sure it's true, he grumbles, "I didn't say anything."

"I know, that's why I said you're _thinking_ too loud.” Hinata yawns, but he sounds more awake and less dead as he continues, “I've told you before, there's no way I'll know what you're thinking about if you don't tell me. And you're thinking so loud that you might as well just say it out loud too, anyway."

"Thoughts don't make noise."

"When _you_ think, they do."

Kageyama isn't about to lose such a stupid, non-sensical Hinata argument. 

"So you admit that I can think, after all."

Hinata sets his head back down and snorts. Kageyama can feel the feathery weight of it bounce around his chest. 

Hinata may as well be reading from a script as he recites, "'When _you_ bother to think, the gears in your head grind so loudly anyone with ears could hear them within a 10 kilometer radius.'"

"You stole that from Tsukishima."

"Actually, that one was Tadashi." 

Kageyama can feel Hinata's breathy laughter between them, in the warm air and the way his torso bounces against Kageyama's. Kageyama feels light. He almost doesn't notice that he's laughing, too. Even when he does, it feels like it's something that still belongs to Hinata, regardless of its source. 

Kageyama hasn't felt this... settled, before. Maybe ever. The absence of a drive to go anywhere or do anything sounds like it should probably be a cause for alarm, but Kageyama can't seem to find any motivation to do anything other than stay right here, listening to the quiet sounds of Hinata's laughter as they lay in each other's arms.

It's almost enough that Kageyama isn't mad when a hand unceremoniously smacks against his face, in a feeble attempt to muffle his laughter. Almost, but not quite, because Kageyama doesn't want to stand for anyone casting a shadow over any of the brightness that's rightfully Hinata's, not even Hinata himself. 

That being said, Hinata's not doing a great job at ceasing his own giggling, so Kageyama can't really complain. Of course, Kageyama also can't seem to stop his own laughter, despite or perhaps because of the hand pressed against his mouth and chin, so said hand is really only contributing to the problem, in the end.

In a shocking turn of events, this action does not trigger the chain reaction that seems to always lead to an impromptu wrestling match. And rather than complain, like Hinata might be expecting, Kageyama suddenly finds himself gripped with laughter so breathless he isn't able to think about much of anything else. The kind that's only brought on by good company in the middle of the night, when you know you should be sleeping but you can't bring yourself to cut your time together short. Hinata's laughter, like everything else about him, is both contagious and addicting.

(Distantly, Kageyama hears echoes of their senpai saying, _"Look at how much you've matured!"_ He's sure they had been making fun of them at the time, but he has to wonder what they would think if they knew not everything ended in a squabble between him and Hinata anymore. Suga-san would probably be legitimately proud. He would probably still find something in it worth teasing them about. Really, they all would. And definitely Yachi, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima. And probably some of their kohai too.)

Hinata shoves off the mattress, and Kageyama almost does start a fight about that, but before he can complain about Hinata removing his body from its place adjacent to Kageyama's, a second hand is smooshed against his face, added to the first. Hinata shuffles his knees closer, to keep his balance as he leans over him. They jab into Kageyama's side, where the warmth of Hinata’s previous position still lingers. Kageyama feels more than he sees the way Hinata's head hovers over his a bit closer than strictly necessary.

Kageyama wants to be annoyed about all this, he really does.

It's dark, too dark to see any of the features on Hinata's face, but -- 

"I can still feel your smile, you know, Bakageyama." 

Hinata has managed to take control of his laughter, apparently, but the sound of his own smile is clear in his voice.

Kageyama doesn't stop smiling, but his laughter does comfortably fade away. He can't remember the last time he laughed that hard, or really the last time he's laughed much at all, but he has a feeling Hinata was there then, too. Maybe he's only capable of that sort of thing in Hinata's presence. 

He's not sure what that says about himself, and he's unwilling to think about it at the moment. He's also unwilling to think about what it says that he's not struggling to throw Hinata off of him or to move at all, or what sort of look he has on his face, or the feeling settled in the curve of his smile. He wishes he could see Hinata. He has a feeling he'd find a reflection of that same feeling there, and his intuition when it comes to Hinata hasn't steered him wrong yet. Not when it counts. 

Right now counts. 

And, maybe, Hinata's intuition of Kageyama is just as good. Or maybe Hinata can read minds, and that's how he's always able to get along with everyone he meets -- the thought is a disservice to his interpersonal skills, but Kageyama isn't sure whether he wishes it were true or not in this moment. Maybe it would be simpler.

Or possibly, it wasn't an exaggeration when Hinata said Kageyama's thoughts make noise.

Whatever the reason, Hinata leans a fraction closer and hiss-whispers, "Shut up!"

He does not remove his hands, so when Kageyama tells him, "I didn't say anything," it doesn't come out as an intelligible sentence. 

He knows Hinata knows exactly what he said, anyways. He knows they both know what Hinata was really talking about, too.

"Kageyamaaa," Hinata whines. It sounds like he's pouting. Good. He did this to himself.

Hinata doesn't remove his hands from Kageyama's face, but he does move them so that they're squishing his cheeks from the sides instead of pressing down on his mouth. Maybe he's trying to stop Kageyama from smiling. It's not working.

With his newly-liberated mouth, Kageyama returns, "Hinata." 

Hinata leans in closer still, like he's challenging him. Yet ironically, he stops pressing his hands into Kageyama's cheeks, softening the touch even while his eyes sharpen. Kageyama swears he can see the way the air itself stills under that familiar intense gaze, darkness be damned. 

"Tobio."

Briefly, Kageyama is again reminded of lightness. He sees the memory of a black banner fluttering over a railing, and the word printed on it feels like a direct command.

"Shōyō." 

Maybe after all that, Hinata really had managed to damage Kageyama's mouth, or his vocal cords, or something. Kageyama sounds breathless, even to himself, like those two syllables have sucked up all the air out of his lungs on their way out.

Kageyama has said Hinata's given name before. He's called everyone from their year on Karasuno's old team by their given names, at least a couple times. Even Tsukishima, when he wanted to really piss him off. 

Sometime in their last year of high school, Hinata had convinced Yamaguchi that the third years should all do it, to _"show their kohai their bond and strength as a team and as senpai,"_ or something stupid like that. 

As though their kohai wouldn't have been able to figure it out on their own. 

While Yamaguchi was no pushover, especially as captain, Kageyama has come to know that he does enjoy a bit of harmless mischief, so he'd been oddly insistent on enforcing it. For a little while, at least, and with everyone other than Tsukishima, who ignored the rule entirely. 

(And who Kageyama has never once heard Yamaguchi call anything but "Tsukki," coincidentally. It would be infinitely more shocking to him if Yamaguchi has truly never called him "Kei," but Kageyama's never been there to witness it himself. He thinks that might be the point, so he hasn't brought it up.) 

Kageyama had gotten the feeling that Yamaguchi had been trying to target Kageyama, for some reason, but the one who'd really ended up suffering had been Yachi, so Yamaguchi had abandoned enforcing it. Yamaguchi and Hinata had kept it up between themselves on their own, though, and as the approachable two of the four third-year players, some of the younger students had picked it up, too. Or, at least, "Tadashi-san" and " _Sho-chan_ " had caught on, after some of Ukai the senior's students had dropped by to watch a game and cheered Hinata on with the kind of obnoxious loudness only middle school boys are capable of. Or, “Sho-chan” had caught on mostly with Noya-san and Tanaka-san, and then somehow that had become “Sho-san” with some of the kohai.

None of the underclassmen dared to try anything similar with Kageyama or Tsukishima. Tsukishima definitely would have gotten pissed, but Kageyama isn't so sure he'd have minded much. If it weren't for the fact that severely limiting the number of people who have ever called him by his given name means he gets more of a thrill when he hears it, especially from his closest friends. 

Oikawa is an outlier and a bastard and should not be counted. But from his _friends_ , he can honestly say he likes it.

Which is all to say: Kageyama is not necessarily a stranger to calling Hinata "Shōyō" (although he's always preferred to pointedly call him "Hinata" while he's being annoying, which is extremely frequent), but this time feels different. Or... well. It's not exactly an unfamiliar feeling, or anything new, but it is something Kageyama has never really known what to do with. And it's been so long since they've seen each other in person that it's somehow stronger for its lengthy absence.

If Hinata has any ideas about it, he has never shared them before, and it seems like he isn't going to start now, either.

"Aaaarrgh." 

Hinata flops down to the side in defeat, stuffing his face into the pillow Kageyama's head is on. His hands stay more or less where they are, however, and though he talks straight into the pillow, he's practically whispering directly into Kageyama's ear as he continues talking. 

"That's not fair. You aren't allowed to do this; you have to let me sleep so I can beat you tomorrow. This is cheating."

Kageyama isn't very good at reading a room when the room isn't specifically a gym, and more specifically a volleyball court. He certainly can't put a name to this atmosphere between them. It's not that he doesn't have any ideas, it's just that it feels like it's more and less than anything he has the name for.

Hinata is better at this stuff, so he probably knows what it is, at least. But, on top of refusing to admit he doesn't know something to Hinata, Kageyama is pretty sure the dumbass doesn't have the name for it either. If he did, he surely would have said something about it by now. Kageyama has never known him to be one to keep quiet about anything, least of all something that Kageyama is doing. 

If it were anyone else, he thinks maybe he would be nervous, or even worried, that when he inevitably breaks whatever they're building here, it'll be broken for good. 

Kageyama has been his own social catastrophe in the making his whole life, and he's known the severe consequences of it since he was fourteen. 

It's not all that bad, not anymore, thanks entirely to the Karasuno High School Volleyball Club, but he's still… not great at it. He's graceless, and he knows that just because he got along with his high school team for three years, that doesn't mean he isn't capable of completely wrecking something good, even with them. Kageyama doesn’t take those things for granted anymore.

And yet. As it is, there aren't any bad sides of himself left that he hasn't shown to Hinata. There aren't any bad sides of himself left that Hinata hasn't already personally squared up with and challenged and beaten back and smashed through with the steel club that is his unrelenting force of will. There's no fight or argument that they haven't come back from -- and there have been plenty of fights and arguments, the opportunities have been there -- but every time Hinata comes back he's got that look in his eyes that he gets when he's playing, like, _Is that all? Gimme some more._

It stokes a fire in Kageyama that he knows will never go out. Even if Kageyama wanted it to, which he doesn't, Hinata will be there to make sure it stays lit. 

It isn't the thrill of competition. Kageyama had been competitive long before he met Hinata, and he doesn't need it to be Hinata specifically to feel like competing. And maybe, if he really wanted to, Kageyama could give that fire a name. 

Probably, he could.

 _Probably_ , he's known the name, or the closest thing to it, for a while, but it's easier to say he doesn't get it and wait until Hinata can't take staying quiet about it anymore than to deal with trying to get the words right himself.

But maybe Hinata is... _right_ , however unfortunate that may be. If Kageyama wants to get any amount of sleeping done before tomorrow, they need to stop doing... whatever it is that they're doing. Not that Kageyama is willing to admit that Hinata is right about anything, of course. Some things have to stay in balance.

"Cheating? You were the one trying to suffocate me." Kageyama means to sound accusing, or smug; he means to say, _You started it_ , but his voice betrays him in its hushed affection. "Who's the real cheater?"

"Stupid Bakageyama," Hinata mumbles into Kageyama's pillow. The way he says the nickname does not make Kageyama feel very stupid at all, actually.

Kageyama turns onto his side, so that he's facing Hinata fully. Hinata turns his head to watch, even though he can't really see, hands still resting lightly on Kageyama's cheeks, like he's forgotten they're there. One of his hands is now effectively trapped between Kageyama's face and the pillow, and Kageyama belatedly realizes what an awkward angle Hinata's elbow and arm have been in to keep it there, and that his own arm is trapped beneath them. He doesn't think Hinata has noticed yet.

Kageyama takes a deep breath, like somehow he can take this moment and bottle it up in his chest. Maybe it's been years since they saw each other in person frequently enough that they could technically call all of this a habit, but nonetheless it is a familiar habit to slip back into.

"Isn't that kind of redundant?"

Hinata kicks Kageyama's shin lightly under the blankets, because he knows exactly what Kageyama is doing. The hand that's not under Kageyama's head reaches back to pull, not unpleasantly, at his hair as he hums. 

He takes the bait anyways.

" _Wow_ , you mean you know what 'redundant' means?"

"You're asking me because you don't, right?"

"Don't dodge the question!"

It's an empty threat, and they both know it.

Because Kageyama did dodge the question. Not this one, but the one before, when he changed the subject. Maybe he's just stubborn, but he doesn't want to deal with it right now. And, really, Hinata dodged the question just as much. Hinata doesn't back down from a challenge, least of all one that Kageyama is issuing. If he really wanted to talk about it now, he would be talking about it already. 

Or maybe he's just better at knowing what people need to hear and willing to say whatever that is. 

Either way. It’s late, and Kageyama has a very important volleyball game to play tomorrow. He's sure Hinata will understand.

Kageyama shifts and gently drags Hinata’s hands away from his face. He lays their hands between them loosely, not quite clinging, not quite letting go. Hinata taps first his fingertips, and then his palm to Kageyama’s. 

And maybe Hinata’s been lying to him. He always says he can’t know what Kageyama’s thinking unless Kageyama says it out loud, but sometimes it really feels like he does know, without any words between them. 

Hinata rubs his thumb over the pulse point of one of Kageyama’s wrists, and then taps it there decisively.

“I bet I can fall asleep faster than you.”

Kageyama feels. It doesn’t matter what the feeling is called, because Hinata just makes him feel more than anyone else does, and that’s more than enough reason for Kageyama.

“Oh, you’re on.”

“Hm? Sorry, I didn’t catch that ‘cause I’m already--” Hinata cuts himself off with a big yawn, “--sleeping.”

Kageyama scoffs lightly, for show. He’s pretty sure he’s going to lose this battle, and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t care at all.

And yet. It feels wrong to leave it this way. Because Kageyama might be fine like this, but Hinata… 

“Oi. Shōyō.”

Kageyama nudges his knee against Hinata’s, but he has a feeling it’s not the touch that captures Hinata’s fading attention. Kageyama can almost hear Hinata’s eyes snapping back open.

“Hm?”

Kageyama looks over at where he knows Hinata’s face is. It’s a dark, moonless night, and the curtains are drawn, and Hinata’s face itself has changed in a million tiny ways while he’s been in Brazil, but Kageyama still feels like he can see it clearly, if only for a moment.

“After…” Kageyama isn’t good at words. He tries to weigh them carefully, to line them up just so, but he’s always been too impatient to keep dominoes standing until they’re meant to be knocked over, and, well. 

He sighs and abandons the pretense of saying this correctly. If that was something Hinata needed from him, he wouldn’t be trying to say it at all.

“After I win tomorrow, we should… do something.”

“You mean, after _I_ win tomorrow,” Hinata corrects, reflexively. “...aren’t we doing something? Did you not see the group chat?”

“No.”

“Tobio, for real? You’re hopeless, everyone wants to--”

“No! No, I’m-- I saw the chat.”

“O…kay? So…” Hinata pauses like he’s working on a riddle. 

Kageyama belatedly thinks that maybe half asleep isn’t the best time to start this conversation. 

“Hey, you know there’s no way you’re getting out of coming, right?” Hinata asks incredulously.

“No-- I mean, _yes_ , of course I’m coming, dumbass! I didn’t mean-- wasn’t talking about-- _that_ ,” Kageyama grumbles. He’s considering giving up. This is exactly why he can’t do nice things for Hinata.

“Well-- You… Wait, you mean…” Hinata’s fingers curl slightly, still resting on Kageyama’s palm. He sounds suspiciously like he’s trying not to sound excited, like he’s trying to sound _smaller_ , which by itself feels so wrong and anti-Hinata that Kageyama has the urge to smack the tone out of him. “Are you talking about doing something like-- Like… _this_?”

“Like what?”

“Like, _you know!_ ”

Kageyama waits for Hinata to extrapolate on that, but he doesn’t. It’s a wonder he’s not using nonsense sounds to try to make his point here.

“Shōyō--”

“Tobio!” Hinata takes a breath. He sounds much more like himself again, whatever nerves he’d had a moment ago gone. “Kageyama Tobio. Are you asking me to go-- Are you asking me to spend time with you, _just the two of us?_ ”

He says it like he’s teasing, or like it’s something notable or out of the ordinary. He says it in a way that Kageyama could still claim plausible deniability if he wanted to. If he wanted to pretend they don’t both know that Kageyama had been asking for something distinctly different from usual.

Kageyama knows what Hinata stopped himself from saying, and that he stopped himself from saying it for Kageyama and not for himself. Kageyama wouldn’t have minded if Hinata had finished the thought. But, he’s trying to be open and honest or whatever, here, in the vulnerable time between the world’s waking hours, and so he won’t lie, either. He’s not sure if that is what he’s asking or if it isn’t. He is sure that he wants to figure it out. Not this second, but soon. Especially with Hinata back in Japan to stay.

“Dumbass,” Kageyama says, and he hopes he gets as much of what he really means across in that one word as he can. “What do you think we’re doing right now?”

“Is that a yes? You _do_ want to spend one-on-one time with little ol’ me?” Hinata asks. It could be a tease if it weren’t also yet another opportunity for Kageyama to put off the inevitable further.

And it is inevitable. And the fact is that they both know, even if they’d decided not to figure it out in high school.

Hinata Shōyō. He can jump up in Ushijima Wakatoshi’s face as a nobody high school first-year and brazenly declare that he’ll defeat him, but he’ll deal with Kageyama’s bullshit for years without ever voicing a word of (real) complaint. Kageyama doesn’t understand how that happened.

He doesn’t take these things for granted anymore.

“Of course it is.”

“Awww! You do like me!”

Kageyama hums, noncommittal. Hinata knows it just as well as Kageyama does.

Hinata hooks their pinkies together. He’s radiating joy in the dark of the room, and it isn’t until Kageyama’s reminded that the real sun will rise once again that he realizes he hasn’t been thinking about volleyball at all these past few minutes. It’s funny, that volleyball and Hinata are concepts so intrinsically combined in Kageyama’s mind, and yet sometimes he still finds himself considering one without the other. And somehow, remembering the one exists only serves to make the other shine brighter, as well.

Hinata hasn’t technically given his answer yet. Kageyama has a good idea of what it is, but, well. He really doesn’t take these things for granted anymore.

Kageyama mumbles, “So? I don’t… We don’t have to, I just thought--”

“Yeah!” Hinata says brightly, “Yes! We should! We’re going to; you agreed, no take-backs!” 

Kageyama can’t see Hinata’s face clearly, sure. But he knows that tone, and he can easily picture the broad smile splitting Hinata’s face, and if even the idea of that smile is enough to melt through all of Kageyama’s worries, he knows he’s in trouble. But when isn’t Hinata trouble?

Hinata tacks on, in a tone that brings to mind the idea of a completely different smile, “It’ll be a good reward, for my win.”

“It’ll be a better consolation prize for your loss,” Kageyama replies, as easily as receiving the simplest underhand serve.

Tomorrow, things will be different. 

Tomorrow, they won’t hold anything back. Their first ever official match since that fateful day in middle school. Kageyama has been looking forward to this for far too long, and he knows Hinata feels the same, maybe even more so.

Tomorrow, nothing will be easy. It’ll be hard as hell. A real challenge, a collision of the great players Kageyama’s grandfather always promised he would find. He’ll be on the court, and none of this will matter, not until after. It’ll be brutal, and exhilarating, and fun. The gym will be alive with the thrum of people and noise and energy.

Tonight, things are quiet. Tonight is cozy and private and alive in a completely different way, in the sound of their breath mingling and in the warmth they share. Maybe the difference would be too great, maybe it would bother someone else to bounce from one extreme to the other, but Kageyama can’t think of wanting it any other way.

And tomorrow night, they won’t have the promise of the game ahead of them any longer. One of them will have won, and one of them will have lost, and both of them will be counting down the minutes until they get to stand on the court together again. They won’t be playing, and they won’t be preparing to play. They’ll have to go their separate ways before they’re able to come back together again.

And Kageyama finds that he’s still excited for it. 

Truly, no one is as much trouble as Hinata Shōyō.

They settle into a more comfortable position, still loosely tangled with each other. Attached, but not trapped. As he’d expected, Kageyama is fairly sure Hinata drifts off first. 

Kageyama considers the shape of Hinata’s hands and arms and body, all the little ways they’ve stayed the same and all the little ways they’ve changed while he’s been away. He’s sure he has no idea just how many there are. He’s sure he’ll see a lot of them firsthand come tomorrow. He’s sure they’ll only continue to grow, and that he won’t get to see plenty of them for a long time to come.

Kageyama falls asleep the night before the Schweiden Adlers and the MSBY Black Jackals’ game to the sound of Hinata breathing, to the feeling of his warmth, and with the promise of all that’s yet to come.

**Author's Note:**

> so have y'all heard kageyama’s seiyuu (Ishikawa Kaito) giggle though? do yourself a favor and look up the radio shows on youtube and listen to him giggle and feel good about the world.
> 
> hope you enjoyed my middle of the night sleepless melodrama ramblings given fic form!
> 
> my [tumblr](https://randomstarmuffin.tumblr.com), my [art tumblr](https://pitter-patt-art.tumblr.com), hmu on either if u wanna chat or if u have drawing requests i need direction and interaction like i need air


End file.
